It Is Time to Ban Humans From Narnia

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The White Witch is calling for a total and complete shutdown of humans entering Narnia until our country’s representatives can figure out what is going on. According to our research there is great hatred towards Narnians by large segments of the human population. Humans have been observed fraternizing with beavers and fauns, in direct violation of local law.

Moreover, a full 25% of humans entering into Narnia are believed to be noxious traitors. The human world is known to be a place of ceaseless violence, abuse and gross ignorance regarding the rights of talking beasts.

This is not to say that all humans are bad. There are many moderate humans. But until we have a good way of sorting the good humans from the bad, keeping them out of Narnia is the right and sensible thing to do.

Even the “good humans,” such as they are, are poorly suited for the Narnian climate, having grown up in a world where it is only rarely winter and Christmas is celebrated annually. Surely, there are other magical countries more suited to the unique needs of humans than Narnia.

The White Witch stated, “Without looking at the various polling data, it is obvious to anybody that human hatred is beyond comprehension. Where this hatred comes from and why we will have to determine. Until we are able to determine and understand this problem and the dangerous threat it poses, our country cannot be the victims of horrendous attacks by people that believe only in war, and have no sense of reason or respect for life. So long as I remain queen, we are going to Make Narnia Great Again.”

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