Since Tyler Huckabee is too busy to do anything this week, tylerhuckabee.com invited Matt Walsh over to liveblog an episode of House of Cards. This is a satire.
I’m not normally one for watching Netflix or any television, or any media at all, because I am not interested in opening my home up to a constant spew of violence, misinformation, liberal spin and glorification of American depravity in which every moment of national insanity is hailed as what passes for “progress” in this lunatic age, but House of Cards intrigues me.
The name seems to imply that the White House has grown so vapid and brittle from its constant cowing to foreign interests and the incessant mewing of our Commander in Chief that the slightest gust of reason could topple it. This is an interesting idea, but it does not go far enough. In truth, our entire country is a house of cards, a rickety lean-to built by feminist-y, gun-paranoid, precious snowflakes who whine about their feelings and microaggressions with every card they haphazardly slam into place, shutting their ears against any whisper of sensibility. Read the full post »
Posted by tylerhuckabee on July 20, 2015
Let’s begin with the beginning.
God, having crafted a good world and a very good man to till it, declares that it is “not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
A lot of energy has been expended on that word, helper. On the face of it, it sets up a nice little proof text for straight marriage. A man is alone, so God makes a woman and, thus, a cosmic balance is achieved. Let never humanity tip it asunder.
But the more interesting word in “it is not good for the man to be alone” is the word alone. Eve isn’t spun into existence for her uterus—the “child bearing hips” modern society imagines all ancient cultures reduced women to—but for love. It is not good for man to be alone. Read the full post »
Posted by tylerhuckabee on July 7, 2015
Now, before we get started, let’s acknowledge that Marvel is a fantastical universe and we must allow it the fancies of the genre. If Marvel decides that spider bite bestows upon its victim a truly enviable six-pack or that Tony Stark somehow finds time to exercise for a couple hours a day in addition to all his inventing/Avenging, than we can allow them those quirks.
But where do we draw the line? At what point does the fantastical just become purely improbable? Here, we will determine just that. Read the full post »
Posted by tylerhuckabee on June 17, 2015
Over the weekend, I got a text from someone asking how I felt about Franklin Graham’s decision to move his organization’s significant funds from one bank to another.
As you may have heard, Graham was upset by Wells Fargo’s decision to include a lesbian couple in a television ad. In an act of defiance, he moved his money to BB&T. This caused no small amount of eye-rolling, as BB&T has been quite vocal in its own support for marriage equality. Likewise, a few people have taken great delight in pointing out the irony of Graham announcing his decision over Facebook, a “vehemently pro-LGBT” organization. Read the full post »
Posted by tylerhuckabee on June 15, 2015
In the ’90s, CCM was into two things: U2 and not having sex. Also, goatees. And ska. OK, CCM was into a lot of things in the ’90s, but having already covered that in detail elsewhere, this list will be devoted to CCM’s many admirable attempts to make sexual abstinence look fun.
A lot could be said about sexual abstinence, but let me state for the record that I bear the True Love Waits movement no ill will whatsoever. This is not about trashing the virtues of waiting till marriage, nor mocking people who are committed to doing so. This is about ranking CCM songs about keeping your pants on, so let’s get down to it.
Whatever you do, I beg of you, please do not skip the final video, which is the most incredible thing I’ve seen on the Internet in months. Read the full post »
Posted by tylerhuckabee on June 9, 2015
For those not in the know, Plugged In is amazing. It might be the most interesting film review site on the whole entire Internet.
A branch of Focus on the Family, Plugged In reviews movies in the manner of a Louisa May Alcott-era schoolmarm rattling off a list of her students’ gravest misdeeds. Avengers: Age of Ultron is docked points for “sporadic foul language and sexual innuendo.” Boyhood is described as “almost three hours of foul language, crude capers, bad behavior…” Read the full post »
Posted by tylerhuckabee on June 7, 2015
Webster’s Dictionary defines “hero,” as yada, yada, yada. Just kidding. That’s not how we’re going to start this post.
No, we all know what a hero is. But only I know who the best heroes of 2015 (so far) are, and I aim to share them with you now.
Read the full post »
Posted by tylerhuckabee on June 5, 2015
There have been, by my count, two serious attempts at filming the entirety of The Chronicles of Narnia. The most recent started with an OK-ish attempt at The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (immeasurably improved by James McAvoy’s turn as Mr. Tumnus) before settling into a Chronicle of Diminishing Returns. The death knell was The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, which somehow made a high seas voyage for the edge of the world seem boring—a notable feat in and of itself. Read the full post »
Posted by tylerhuckabee on June 3, 2015
It is dark now and there is a finality to it, as if the sun had not sunk below the horizon but had instead died, its flames ripening into thick slimy vines, then hardening, calcifying into chalk and crumbling altogether. The night swept through Sodom like a plague, a cold darkness you could suck in and cough out in short splinters.
Lot’s wife is in her home, stirring a black pot of clotted stew while her husband trades dark words with two strange men who came into her home without addressing her. Lot had told her to make supper with such urgency she thought the strangers might be violent, but were unarmed. Even so, she feared them. She feared everyone these days. Read the full post »
Posted by tylerhuckabee on June 2, 2015
“Consider the work of God: who can make straight what he has made crooked?” —Ecclesiastes 7:13
The first thing that strikes you about this verse is how it spins your expectations on its head. You’d expect it to say “Who can make crooked what He has made straight?” but this is not that kind of Bible, nor is it that kind of life. Read the full post »
Posted by tylerhuckabee on May 17, 2015